God's been throwing me into unfamilar/uncomfortable situations, and I've experienced quite an array of feelings, good and bad. I have no idea what to make of my current ... mood. At once, conversation is wearying and avoided if possible, yet nostalgic and lonely feelings frequently take over. I don't know what to do with myself, my time, my energy (or lack thereof)... even less so than usual.

from the other end of the bifocals:

just as a part of my personality, i think i tend to accept what i'm told, particularly from those of authority, more readily than some. the reason i've finally started noticing this recently is because my perspective is gradually being broadened and i slowly learn to have a healthy amount of hesitation and questioning when i am told something. i think i also have difficulty seeing from the other perspective... like yours. so maybe we can collaborate -- share our perspectives with each other and each get a piece of lens that would make our perspectives a little more bifocal.

i apologize, as i haven't written any organized thoughts in english for a while, so pardon my gibberish, and i hope it makes some sense.

I don't mean to imply that I'm special or anything, but I realize that I don't think like most Christians do, and I'm not sure I ever will. I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing, but sometimes it makes me wonder if I'm not emotionally and spiritually invested in God and Christianity enough. Because it just doesn't seem like I am compared to others. I think I am. It still makes for a puzzling line of thought though.

I still consider many issues from a very secular perspective--it's the perspective I've been using most of my life. I'm not sure I'll ever become accustomed to seeing the world through religious glasses. Once again I don't think this is by default a bad thing. I think it would be nice if I could incorporate a mix of the two though--bifocals maybe, to continue with the optical analogy. That way maybe I'll be able to reap the best of both worlds, and not succumb to the narrow-mindedness that traps so many good people who willfully blind themselves to all but one preferred angle.