I stumbled across someone's xanga today, a xanga dedicated solely to musings that arise from his quiet times. And I was amazed. In person this guy is a rather bubbly character -- I've never seen him anything but cheerful. Obviously I know he isn't all smiles all the time, but I would venture that this is the side of him that most people see. He actually keeps a more public xanga where he expresses everyday-type of material. I guess sort of like we do.

But this.. I almost felt guilty reading some of his posts, like I was eavesdropping, huddled in the most private corner of his mind dabbling into his innermost thoughts and desires. This quiet time xanga of his, it was full of deep ruminations, ruminations of which the first thing I noticed, was that they were more often than not permeated with conflict. I saw a conflicted soul. One that did not express itself to any but the closest of friends. The conflict wasn't about God or Christianity -- his beliefs are solid. But more they seemed to arise as a consequence, I guess you could say. And that got me thinking.

In one entry, he talks about another person that I know.

"Have those guys ever seen ***** ******?? the way he will stand up and raise his voice and FIGHT for his faith? his incredible strength of faith?"

So *****, please tell me. Do you ever experience profound conflict as a result of your faith? Or not even as a result, but just because? Does your faith never wax and wane? And would you care to lend me some of that strength?