CCF Family Group dinner: We leap-frogged around the table by birth order, voicing our reflections on the past school year. I shared something that I felt was very personal -- I think I've finally accepted psychology as my major. I guess that's somewhat vague and probably very few people at the table knew the background story behind it. But still, I guess I didn't expect the significance of that statement to be lost to everyone there.

So what did I mean by it. I've never felt quite at ease being a psychology major -- it's not an easy field to reconcile with. What am I supposed to do with it once I graduate? The options are so limited. What happened to those Chinese aspirations I should inherently possess, hopes and dreams of becoming a big-shot doctor, a brilliant engineer, at least an SE, dear God?

I came to Rice fairly undecided in major, though already leaning towards psychology. But does anyone know that I actually considered a bioengineering major? If circumstances had been just a bit different, maybe that's what I'd be now. Certainly I'd be no bioE whiz, but I think I could have pull it off. You don't get into Rice from a school like Clements by being a dumbass. At least that's what I tell myself.

So what of the dreams? Well, they're still there, and they've always been on the backburner, so to speak. I've spent the better part of my time at Rice agonizing over my choice of major -- I've struggled with it, fought it, seemingly such a waste. You're a psychology major? Oh. Ok. Guess she wasn't smart enough to be anything more than a slackadem. It used to make me angry when I was the only academ at a table. I guess it still sort of does.

But what it won't do anymore, is make me question my decision not to pursue alternatives. I think recently, I've come to realize that I made the right choice. It's been a long time coming, but I'm finally ok with it now. No matter how much others may disparage the major, I know I wouldn't be any happier doing anything else. Psychology is me.

And yes, after this semester I will have finished the major. So sue me.